I don’t even know where to begin this week. No idea. I mean I bailed right as Pastor Tobias started his closing prayer. No promise of any off-key worship song could keep me in my seat. So, I have no idea where to start. So, this is what I have so far.
“Now the story of a Church that loved Armageddon and weird metaphors, and the one guy who had to sit through it. This is The Awesome God Project.”
The day started weird when Pastor Tobias (not his real name) started his sermon with his usual (I assume) 15-minute pregame prayer. He started out with some gruesome imagery:
“LORD! You know that the most heinous crime a person could commit would be to slaughter and mutilate an innocent new born! LORD! You know this horrific act, of killing a child, is an affront to you!”
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I don’t know if this is awesome, or an issue. All I know is that it exists, and I have to deal with it for one more week. The lead pastor at Five Points Community Church is a hybrid of 3 different people:
- Ed Cordry, former Daily Show Correspondent
- Buster Bluth, from Arrested Development
- Tobias Funke, from Arrested Development
Hearing a Pastor talking about reflecting the glory we receive to God, while throwing hand motions similar to Buster describing a seal attack mixed with the facial expressions of Tobias discussing his career as an analrapist, and Ed Cordry calling bullshit on a politicians enhances the message with—what I’m sure are unintended consequences—hilarious references and connotations. The first unintended consequence was me spending the first 15 minutes (which was actually his opening prayer) trying to figure out who he reminded me of. By the time we started the sermon, I then had to prevent myself from breaking out into fits of laughter for the remaining 45 minutes. Oh, and did I mention I was late?
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